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De: JOHN LANGDON <langdon en facstaff.UINDY.EDU>
Para: zimmerman en facstaff.UINDY.EDU <zimmerman en facstaff.UINDY.EDU>;
snawrocki en facstaff.UINDY.EDU <snawrocki en facstaff.UINDY.EDU>;
radich en facstaff.UINDY.EDU <radich en facstaff.UINDY.EDU>;
csinclair en facstaff.UINDY.EDU <csinclair en facstaff.UINDY.EDU>;
mgobbett en facstaff.UINDY.EDU <mgobbett en facstaff.UINDY.EDU>;
mwilliamson en facstaff.UINDY.EDU <mwilliamson en facstaff.UINDY.EDU>;
mritke en facstaff.UINDY.EDU <mritke en facstaff.UINDY.EDU>;
cschmidt en facstaff.UINDY.EDU <cschmidt en facstaff.UINDY.EDU>;
jwhite en facstaff.UINDY.EDU <jwhite en facstaff.UINDY.EDU>;
reinhardt en facstaff.UINDY.EDU <reinhardt en facstaff.UINDY.EDU>
Fecha: viernes 16 de abril de 1999 22:54
Asunto: Re: Toast: just say no
>In message <s71767a1.067 en PSGHS.EDU> David Langdon MD writes:
>> Toast - just say no
>>
>> Important warning for those who have been drawn
>> unsuspectingly into the use of bread:
>>
>> 1. More than 98% of convicted felons are bread
>> users.
>>
>> 2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in
>> bread-consuming households score below average
>> on standardized tests.
>>
>> 3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was
>> baked in the home, the average life expectancy was
>> less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were
>> unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth;
>> and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and
>> influenza ravaged whole nations.
>>
>> 4. More than 90% of violent crimes are committed
>> within 24 hours of eating bread.
>>
>> 5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough."
>> It has been proven that as little as one pound of
>> dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The
>> average American eats more bread than that in one
>> month!
>>
>> 6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread
>> exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's,
>> Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
>>
>> 7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects
>> deprived of bread and given only water to eat
>> begged for bread after as little as two days.
>>
>> 8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the
>> user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut
>> butter, and even cold cuts.
>>
>> 9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since
>> the human body is more than 90% water, it follows
>> that eating bread could lead to your body being
>> taken over by this absorptive food product, turning
>> you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
>>
>> 10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
>>
>> 11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400
>> degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an
>> adult in less than one minute.
>>
>> 12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable
>> to distinguish between significant scientific fact
>> and meaningless statistical babbling.
>>
>> In light of these frightening statistics, we propose
>> the following bread restrictions:
>>
>> 1. No sale of bread to minors.
>>
>> 2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign,
>> complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
>>
>> 3. A 300% federal tax on all bread to pay for all
>> the societal ills we might associate with bread.
>>
>> 4. No animal or human images, nor any primary
>> colours (which may appeal to children) may be
>> used to promote bread usage.
>>
>> 5. The establishment of "bread-free" zones around
>> schools.
>
>
>
>JOHN H. LANGDON, Ph.D. LANGDON en UINDY.EDU
>CHAIR, DEPARTMENT OF BIOLOGY OFFICE PHONE (317)788-3447
>UNIVERSITY OF INDIANAPOLIS FAX (317)788-3569
>1400 EAST HANNA AVENUE
>INDIANAPOLIS, IN 46227
>USA
>
>
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