[escepticos] **El Genesis, re-escrito

["Jaime Wilson" <jwilson@...>]

GENESIS REVISITED
A SCIENTIFIC CREATION STORY

By Michael Shermer, Redactor Revisionist

In the beginning--specifically on October 23, 4004 B.C., at noon--out of
quantum foam fluctuation God created the Big Bang out of inflationary
cosmology. He saw that the Big Bang was VERY big, too big for creatures that
could worship him, so He created the earth. And darkness was upon the face of
the deep, so He commanded hydrogen atoms (which He created out of Quarks and
other subatomic goodies) to fuse and become helium atoms and in the process
release energy in the form of light. And the light maker he called the sun,
and the process He called fusion. And He saw the light was good because now He
could see what he was doing. And the evening and the morning were the first
day.

And God said, Let there be lots of fusion light makers in the sky. Some of
these fusion makers appear to be more than 4004 light years from Earth. In
fact, some of the fusion makers He grouped into collections He called
galaxies, and these appeared to be millions and even billions of light years
from Earth, so He created tired light so that the 4004 B.C. creation would be
preserved. And created He many wonderous spendors such as Red Giants, White
Dwarfs, Quazars, Pulsars, Nova and Supernova, worm holes, and even Black Holes
out of which nothing can escape. But since God cannot be constrained by
nothing, He created Hawking radiation through which information can escape
from Black Holes. This made God even more tired than tired light, and the
evening and the morning were the second day. 

And God said, Let the waters under the heavens be gathered together unto one
place, and let the continents drift apart by plate tectonics. He decreed sea
floor spreading would create zones of emergence, and He caused subduction
zones to build mountains and cause earthquakes. In weak points in the crust
God created volcanic islands, where the next day He would place organisms that
were similar to but different from their relatives on the mainlands so that
still later created creatures called humans would mistake them for evolved
descendants. And in the land God placed fossil fuels, natural gas, and other
natural resources for humans to exploit, but not until after Day Six. And the
evening and the morning were the third day.

And God saw that the land was lonely, so he created animals bearing their own
kind, declaring Thou shalt not evolve into new species, and thou equilibrium
shall not be punctuated. And God placed into the land's strata, fossils that
appeared older than 4004 B.C. And the sequence resembled descent with
modification. And the evening and morning were the fourth day.

And God said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creatures that
hath life, the fishes. And God created great whales whose skeletal structure
and physiology were homologous with the land mammals he would create later
that day. Since this caused confusion in the valley of the shadow of a doubt
God brought forth abundantly all creatures, great and small, declaring that
microevolution was permitted, but not macroevolution. And God said, Natura non
facit saltum--Nature shall not make leaps. And the evening and morning were
the fifth day.

And God created the pongidids and hominids with 98% genetic similarity, naming
two of them Adam and Eve, who were anatomically fully modern humans. And in
the ground placed He in abundance teeth, jaws, skulls, and pelvises of
transitional fossils from pre-Adamite creatures. One he chose as his special
creation He named Lucy. And God realized this was confusing, so he created
paleoanthropologists to sort it out. And just as He was finishing up the loose
ends of the creation, such as putting the pit in avocados, God realized that
Adam's immediate descendants would not understand inflationary cosmology,
global general relativity, quantum mechanics, astrophysics, biochemistry,
paleontology, and the other ologies, so he created creation myths. But there
were so many creation stories throughout the world God realized this was
confusing, so he created anthropologists, folklorists, and mythologists to
sort it out. But confusion reigned in the valley of the shadow of doubt, so
God became angry, so angry God lost his temper and cursed the first humans,
telling them to go forth and multiply themselves. But they took God literally
and 6,000 years later there are six billion humans. And the evening and
morning were the sixth day. So God said, Thank me its Friday, and He made the
weekend. It was a good idea.


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