[escepticos] **Preguntas tontas.

["Marcela Brusa" <medaly@...>]

Bueno, espero que me disculpen el off topic, pero entre las elecciones en
USA y los examenes finales de mis alumnos andaba necesitando algo de
diversion y decidi compartirla. Viene de una lista de humor poblada por
lingüistas. De ahi su nombre, supongo, de Linguini.
Algunas cosas son imposibles sin el contexto (por ejemplo, en la anteultima,
la referencia es a preparation H que es una pomada para hemorroides muy
popular en USA.) pero en su mayoria se entienden bastante.
Les traduje las que pueden traducirse pero deje las otras para que se rompan
el coco con el diccionario.
Que se diviertan



-----Original Message-----
From: linguine-admin en listhost.uchicago.edu
[mailto:linguine-admin en listhost.uchicago.edu] On Behalf Of Gail Brendel
Viechnicki
Sent: Tuesday, December 12, 2000 10:45 PM
To: LINGUINE
Subject: [Linguine] Fw: Funny stuff (fwd)



 From the demented mind of comedian Steven Wright...

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
Holland called Holes?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

(Gozaran los infantes de la infancia tanto como los adultos del adulterio?)

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
(Si el amor es ciego, por que la lenceria es tan popular?)

When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your
two cents in, what happens to the other penny? Or do you get change?

Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a
broker?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to
begin with.
(Por qué vienen los croutons en paquetes cerrados? Despues de todo no es mas
que pan duro.)

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person
drives a  race car not called a racist?

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
(por qué 11 no se dice dieciuno?)

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys
deranged,  models deposed,  tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners
depressed?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
(Los empleados de la compañia de té Lipton, tienen recreos para el café?)

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
(Que color de pelo se especifica en la licencia de conducir de los calvos?)

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
more as they get older, then it dawned on me . . .they're cramming for
their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

(Estaba pensando como las madres alimentan a sus bebes con pequeñisimas
cucharas, tenedores y cuchillos, cuando pense: Qué usan las madres chinas?
Palillos de dientes?)

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What
are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their
pictures on the  postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while
they delivered the  mail?
(Por qué ponen los retratos de los criminales en el Correo? Que se supone
que hagamos, escribirles? Por qué no poner los retratos en los sellos y así
el cartero puede ver si los encuentra mientras reparte la correspondencia.)

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are
the others here for?
(Si es cierto que estamos aqui para ayudar a los demas, pare que estan
exactamente los demas?)

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
(Uno no aprende a insultar hasta que aprende a conducir)

No one ever says, "It's only a game," when their team is winning.
(Nadie nunca dice "es solo un juego" mientras su equipo esta ganando.)

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't
zigzag?
(Cual seria la velocidad del rayo si no fuera en zig zag)

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast.  The mime next door
went nuts.
(Anoche puse un cassete en blanco a todo volumen. El mimo de al lado se
volvio loco)

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
(Si una vaca se rie? le sale leche de las narices?)

Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
(Que paso con las preparation de la A a la G?)

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil  come from?
(Si el aceite de oliva viene de las aceitunas, de donde viene exactamente el
aceite de bebes)
Esta la verdad es que no se traduce bien para nada.
Pero bueno, era la ultima.

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